


Disillusion

by Flying_Merlin



Category: Original Work
Genre: Ego, Freeform, Gaslighting, Id, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Original non-binary characters - Freeform, Original work - Freeform, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Teen Angst, Teenagers, car crash, inner conflict, single parent, superego - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 10:04:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flying_Merlin/pseuds/Flying_Merlin
Summary: After a car accident, Val encounters three different aspects of their personality that slowly take over their life.





	Disillusion

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first published work in about 5 years, which I wrote for an English assignment at school. Please leave CONSTRUCTIVE criticism in the comments! Thanks!  
> \- F. Merlin

  
It started with a crash.  
Val had been driving home after a movie with some friends, when a truck ran a red light and rammed into the car. It happened so fast. The light turned green. A foot presses on the gas pedal, another one breaks, but too late. The squeal of tires gave way to an earth-shattering implosion as the car buckled and seemed to fold in on itself. Tongues of flame licked out from under the crushed hood. Sirens filled the air as emergency services flooded the scene. Hands grasped, pulling a body from the wreckage. Plastic wrapped fingers find a bloody wrist, and a red card is held up. Alive; but in critical condition, immediate medical attention required. More EMTs swarm, and a stretcher appears out of nowhere. The body is moved so incredibly gently, you’d think it was made of spun glass. It’s loaded into the back, and the ambulance rushes away, sirens blaring, until it reaches the hospital and is surrounded by well-meaning doctors and nurses, clinical in blue scrubs and white lab coats. A set of hazel eyes blink open, staring dazedly at the sterile ceiling as the fluorescent lights flash by. They enter a room, and suddenly doctors are yelling orders, calling for ten CCs of this and an IV, and many other unintelligible things, when a needle presses into a forearm, and everything goes black.

  
A pair of sleepy eyes blinks away the drug induced haze to light upon a dark void, empty save for three other people. On the left, a girl, younger than 16 but older than 10, sits cross-legged in a white dress, red hair pulled up in pigtails, strawberry lips wrapped around a cherry lollipop, and ruby eyes glinting with mischief. She winks at Val, before gazing across from her, and then rolling her eyes disgustedly and turning away. There stands a man, probably in his twenties, black hair swept up and gelled away from his face, blue eyes partially obscured by horn-rimmed glasses, and a tweed sweater vest over a cornflower collared shirt and khakis. He waves, and directs Val’s attention directly across, to what at first seems like a mirror, and clearly becomes better. It’s everything Val wished to be. Blonde hair pulled up and away from the face into a messy but stylish bun, designer clothes, clear skin, and a tiny smirk playing on the edge of their lips. All three figures look towards each other, as if deciding who’s to go first, and then the red head flounces forward, holding her hand out to shake.

  
“Hi!” She says, and a wide grin stretches across her face as she pumps her arm up and down, “I’m Ida! Nice to meetcha!” She smiles, offering no further information.

  
The blue-eyed boy clears his throat behind her, and she reluctantly steps back with a scowl, allowing him to move forward with a hand outstretched and a sheepish grin that graces his face. He shakes their hand, though much calmer.

  
“I’m Sedge, sorry about her.” He apologizes, and something about him just put them at ease, as if everything was going to be okay. He steps back, allowing the last person to introduce their self. They step forward, charming smirk, glinting hazel eyes and all. They have a firm handshake, strong grip, and a good pace.

  
“I’m Eli.” They introduce, before stepping back so they’re in line with the other two. Looking closer, Val can clearly see the resemblance. They all have similar facial features, almond eyes glimmering different colours, defined cheekbones highlighted by a light spattering of freckles, with varying degrees of softness depending on the character. Eli steps forward, as if to grab their hand, when everything shifts and blurs. Ida’s pigtails soon seemed to resemble horns, and Sedge’s eyes start to glow. The world spins, and suddenly–  
A heart monitor beeps

with increasing frequency, waking the man asleep in a chair next to the hospital bed. He jolts up, looks over, and meets bleary hazel eyes blinking sleepily up at him.

  
“Val! Hey kiddo, how’re you feeling? Do you need anything? Should I get a nurse? Right! A nurse! I was supposed to get them when you woke up! One sec…” He reaches over to the other side of the bed, pressing a button that had been hidden under the blankets. A call button, probably. The world starts to make sense again, and Val croaks out “Dad, what happened? Can I get some water?” His face lights up, and he reaches to the night stand beside the hospital bed, then holds a glass of water up to their lips.

  
“What do you remember bud?” He asks, hesitantly. Their hand finds his, and he squeezes tightly, reassuringly.

  
“I remember a… a crash, I think? But the light was green… did someone run into me?”

  
“Yeah, kid, that’s almost exactly what happened. You did everything right, okay? The other guy was drunk, he shouldn’t have been driving, and his light was red. You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t your fault, okay?”

  
They nod shakily, and a tremulous smile slowly takes hold as they look up at him, and nod. A nurse enters the room, followed by three familiar figures. Ida skips ahead of the other two, happily licking her lollipop as she offers a cheeky grin and a wave. Sedge and Eli follow at a more sedate pace, Sedge offering a reassuring smile while Eli flashes a peace sign. The nurse bustles around the room, checking IVs and casts, which were only just noticed.

  
Their eyes followed Ida as she explored the room, opening cabinets and drawers, while Sedge looked on in exasperation. Eli had flopped down comfortably at the end of the bed, and was making a show of mocking the nurse who, strangely, didn’t seem to notice.

  
“...minor concussion, and most of your ribs were bruised. Ideally, we’d like you to stay for at least another week. You’ve been unconscious for five days. Any questions?”

  
“N-no, no. I’m good, thanks.” They stuttered out, eyes not leaving the three figures scattered around the room.

* * *

A week later, Val was wheeled out of the hospital for the first time, the three figures following behind them.

  
“How does it feel to be out, kiddo?” Their dad asked, pushing the wheelchair towards the truck. “Excited to be out?”

  
“Yeah, it’ll be nice… what am I going to do about school? Where am I going to sleep? My room’s on the second floor…”

  
“Why are you worrying about school?” Ida grumbled. “There’s so many other things you could be doing! Well, maybe not, but there’s got to be something better than school!” She sneered the last word, lips contorting into a scowl.

  
“Ida, behave!” Sedge chastised, “School is very important and I, for one, am glad that Val is worried about school. As a teenager, school should be one of your top priorities.”

  
“School should be one of your top priorities” Ida mocked, pulling a face, “School’s boring! There are so many other, better things they could be doing!”  
“Like?” He drawled, raising a sardonic eyebrow.

  
“Like, like… um… binge watching Stranger Things! And Black Mirror! Watching all the YouTube drama between Tati and James Charles! Looking at pictures of cute animals! These are all valuable ways to spend time, and they're actually fun!”

  
“Yeah, sure.”

  
“Ladies, ladies. You’re both pretty, but shut up.” You’re being annoying.” Eli cut in.

  
“Yeah,” Val chimed “it’s like you two are the angel and devil on your shoulders that you see in cartoons.”  
Sedge and Ida exchanged guilty looks, before turning pleading eyes on Eli.

  
“Wait- do you mean you actually are? What the hell?” Val exclaimed, eyes widening with shock. “This is crazy- no, I’m crazy! I’ve gone insane, haven’t I? That concussion screwed with my head! What do I do? And why are there three of you?” The stream of questions slipped off their lips as they hyperventilated, taking big, gasping breaths.

  
“From my knowledge, I believe that we” Sedge gestured to the three of them, “ are indeed a product of the crash. The PTSD you would have been afflicted with, in combination with a genetic predisposition towards Dissociative Identity Disorder and Paranoid Schizophrenia, created us. I believe that our actual personalities, all aspects of yours, by the way, are based on Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personal development, which is based on the idea that a personality is based on three components: the Id, Ego, and Superego. In this case, Ida represents the Id, or “devil”, Eli represents the Ego, or “Self”, and I represent the Superego, or “angel”. We’re each responsible for different things- Ida is in charge of the more instinctual, impulsive side of you, the basic survival instincts, I’m responsible for the more rational, logical side of things, and Eli reflects you, or what you could be. We’ve always been here, we just haven’t been able to manifest until the crash. Does that help?” Sedge asked.

  
“Uh… kinda? I still don’t really get the whole sciency side of that, but I think it makes more sense now? One thing… you said Freud’s theory had three parts to a personality? Then why does Eli exist? Shouldn’t it just be me?” Val questioned, slightly less confused than before.

  
“Oh, honey,” Eli smirked, patting their arm, “I’m everything you wish you could be.”

* * *

Several months had passed, and Val was slowly adjusting to living with what was, essentially, three other versions of their self. They were helpful though, Sedge remembered everything. Their grades had never been higher. Ida was good for relaxing, and taking time to reconnect and de stress. Eli was good for, well, everything. They were there when Val needed advice, someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. They were there for the good days, and the bad. When the casts came off (both their legs had been broken in the accident), Eli was there. When they fell during physical therapy, Eli was there. As the months went on, they started to trust and rely on Eli more and more. They shared everything- hopes and dreams, fears and secrets. Eventually it seemed like Eli knew them better than they knew themself.  
Val had been extremely stressed about a school project for weeks. They had to do a presentation on mental disorders in psychology (which they had decided to take after the accident, in hopes of better understanding what happened). They had chosen Dissociative Identity Disorder, but while they were presenting, something… strange happened. One minute, everything had been fine. The presentation was going well, their teacher seemed to like it, and the rest of the class seemed slightly less bored than usual. The next, it was like they were watching through someone else’s eyes. Their body continued to give the presentation, but they couldn’t control anything. They couldn’t speak, swallow, twitch, or make any sort of movement at all. It was like they’d stared into the eyes of a cockatrice, and was now petrified, unable to make any sort of movement, forced to watch as their body moved seemingly of its own accord. Whoever had taken control of their body knew them extremely well; every nervous twitch and gesture was the same, the inflection and mispronunciation of certain words matched almost exactly. It was horrifying. Whoever this imposter was, they knew their behaviour down to the last flinch. There was nothing they could do- only watch, frozen, as they lost their life.

* * *

Val had fallen into a stupor, watching, when they felt small hands start moving their fingers, bending and stretching, which eventually turned into their hand, and their arm. The effect was instantaneous- it was like ice breaking on a frozen sea, they could move again. A figure appeared in their line of sight- Ida. She looked terrible, her hair greasy and dishevelled, her dress torn and ripped, her face and limbs scraped up and bruised.

  
“Val, I need you to listen to me, okay? Close your hand, make a fist, then curl your fist inward and outward.” Val did so, and was amazed as the rest of their forearm regained its mobility. Catching on, they bent their arm, freeing the rest of it. They swung it around, freeing their shoulder, then continued to repeat the process with the other arm, then the rest of their body. Val took a few deep breaths to calm their self down, before turning to Ida.

  
“Ida, what happened?” They asked, looking at the worn out girl. “Where are we? Is this… my mind?”

  
“Yeah.” She sighed, “We’re in your mind. This used to be where Sedge, Eli and I would stay and watch your life. It was great- there were bean bag chairs, a mini-fridge, anything you’d want. Picture your ideal “hangout” space- this was it. After the accident, when we got out, this place started deteriorating, probably because we weren’t using it anymore. Sedge had a theory that it reflected your mental state, that it grew with you- if that’s the case, something’s seriously wrong up there, and I think I know what it is. Eli’s always been the strongest of us, given that they’re literally a reflection of you. When we got out and you started confiding in them, they just got stronger and stronger. That’s when this place started to fall apart. Sedge caught on, and we tried to divert your attention away from them, but they caught us and did the same thing to us as they did to you. I still haven’t found Sedge.” She looked small, then, worn down and defeated, as if someone had hoisted the weight of the world upon her shoulders.

  
“I hate to ask…” Val started, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Ida’s shoulder, “but how did you get out?”

  
Ida smiled grimly, scarlet eyes filled with hellfire. “Remember Sedge’s explanation, when you first figured things out? I’m responsible for survival. Your survival. Not Sedge’s, not my own, and certainly not Eli’s. Yours. Now come on, we need to find Sedge, and figure out how to get Eli out of your body.”

* * *

The two left Val’s prison room, heading up a pair of steps that Val hadn’t noticed at first.

  
“Where exactly are we? Is it laid out like the diagrams in biology?” Val asked.

  
“Loosely” Ida replied. “It can definitely be seen like that. They had me trapped in the equivalent of your amygdala, the dog house in here. Given that he wasn’t in the study, and you were in the living room, I’m assuming they have him trapped in the archives.”

  
“Wait- there’s a dog house, are there dogs? The study? And what are the archives?” Val inquired, following Ida down a long, winding hallway.

  
“Each “room” is the equivalent of a different part of your brain. The living room is your lateral orbitofrontal cortex , the study your dorsal prefrontal cortex, and the archives are your hippocampus and entorhinal cortex. The “dogs” are physical representations of your hormones, which I can use to control your body’s fight or flight reactions. Make sense? Sedge could probably explain it better… ” Ida looked down again, and slowed her pace. It was obvious that missing Sedge was hitting her hard.

  
“No, that makes sense. Thanks for explaining that to me.”

  
The two continued down the hallway, following it up and down, passing dozens of doors. Eventually they reached a dank, winding staircase, leading down into the darkness.

  
“Is this it?” Val asked, peering down worriedly.

  
“Yep.” Ida confirmed, taking the stairs two at a time. “Come on!” Val followed.

  
The staircase seemed to go down forever, getting darker and darker with each step. After what seemed like a million steps, they finally reached the bottom. Above an arched doorway, an elaborate gothic sign read “The Archives”. Ida didn’t even hesitate, running right in. Val took a deep breath and followed.

  
Ancient sconces hung from the ceiling, illuminating the room with candles. Thousands of bookcases filled the room, each stacked with hundreds of books. And there, at the end of the room, was Sedge.

  
He was positioned facing one of the shelves, arms by his sides, feet spread apart. His glasses had slipped down his nose, his normally bright blue eyes dull.  
Ida rushed over and started manipulating his fingers, loosening the muscles, liberating him. He caught on quicker than Val had, and was soon hugging Ida tightly, as if she would disappear if he let her go. Looking over Ida’s shoulder, he caught sight of Val, and his eyes closed as a defeated expression came over his face.

  
“We lost, then.” He murmured, burying his face in Ida’s hair.

  
“No, we haven’t.” Ida forced him away from her, looking him up and down. He did the same.

  
“What else can we do? They got Val. There’s no hope. Eli won.” He sounded bitter as he cradled his head in his hands.

  
“No, we haven’t. Val’s still here, we can still win this. We just need a plan.”

  
“A plan. Right. I can do that.” He nodded shakily, adjusting his glasses and taking a deep breath. “Here’s what we’re going to do…”

* * *

Night had fallen in the outside world as the three found themselves in the void where they first met. They had each positioned themselves around the room, mirror image to how they were originally.

  
“We’re really doing this.” Val stated, taking a deep breath and looking up. Steel filled their eyes as they gazed at the spot Eli would appear. A thousand thoughts ran through their mind. What if they failed, what if Sedge’s plan didn’t work? What if the opposite happened, and they weren’t strong enough to beat Eli? What if they miscalculated, and Eli just didn’t show up at all? There were a million variables that had to be exact for this crazy, stupid plan to work, and if they failed, that was it. There was no second chance. A flash illuminated the void as they appeared, standing across from Val. A puzzled look crossed their face.

  
“What am I doing here?” They snarled, metaphorical hackles raising as they took in the sight before him. Eli’s hazel eyes took on a sickly green glow as they stared down Val, who felt their knees weaken as their strength was slowly leeched away.

  
“I want it back.” Val glared at them, tugging on the invisible connection between the two of them, causing Eli to stumble forward as Val managed to retake part of what they’d lost. Val stepped forward, and it was like a mongoose fighting a cobra. Eli lashed out at them as Val spun out of the way, positioning Eli so that their back was to Ida.. Ice filled Eli’s gaze as they stared back at Val, who glared back, a fiery inferno blazing within. You couldn’t cut the tension with a knife. The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees, but the two didn’t notice, too intent on watching their opponent.

  
“Why? Do you think I’m doing a horrible job, being you? Haven’t you been watching? I’ve been doing so much better than you could ever hope. You actually have friends now, thanks to me. You’re popular. Well, I’m popular. All around, I’m just the better version. You know, people actually like me, they don’t just hang out with me out of pity, like your old friends did. But don’t worry, I dropped those losers. They’ll never be your friends again, especially not after you’ve said such horrible things about them! You know, I heard one of them attempted suicide. A pity they didn’t succeed, really. The world would have been better off.” They smirked, gloating. Val stepped forward as Ida moved in from behind, grabbing hold of Eli’s arms. They struggled trying to free their self, but Ida was fueled by anger and fear, both of which were permeating the room. Val delivered a harsh slap as Ida held him in place, while Sedge moved forward to join Val in front of them.

  
“You know you’re not even supposed to exist? Val was right originally- there are only supposed to be three aspects. I still haven’t figured out how you came into existence, care to shed some light on the subject?” Sedge paused. Eli glared back, spitting. “No? Well, here’s what I think. I think you're a parasite. Feeding off of Val’s fears and insecurities, created by them shoving those feelings away instead of dealing with them, growing stronger as they poured out their soul to you. Literally. Did I miss the mark?” Sedge looked down at him, a superior look crossing his face. Ida tightened her grip just a little bit more.

  
“Please. How do you know I’m not the original, or that they’re not the parasite? After all, that’s what they did in real life.” They turned to Val, sneering. “Really, you should be thanking me. I’ve brought so much to your life. How, by doing what you weren’t strong enough to do. You still aren’t, and I know it, you know it, Ida knows it, Sedge sure as hell knows it, otherwise they would have let you fight me alone. But they didn’t, because you can’t beat me. Never could. Never will.” And even hanging in Ida’s grasp, that infuriating cocky smirk that Val had once thought was so charming was still fixed to their lips. They did not appear defeated, utterly confident in their ability to emerge triumphant in the upcoming death match.

  
Val met Eli’s eyes, their own taking on a warmer golden glow as they stared down at them. “I feel sorry for you, really.” Eli rolled their eyes and tried to look away, but Val grabbed their chin and forced Eli’s glare into theirs. “You understand nothing except teenage fear, insecurity, and hate. I was perfectly happy with my life, you know. I had good friends, good grades, a loving father- I don’t need to be popular to be happy.” They punctuated that last word with a forceful pull of Eli’s chin, letting it go as Val grasped the sides of Eli’s face, pressed their lips together, and breathed.

  
Val hadn’t realized how much they had given to Eli. Everything poured in, filling a hole that had been unnoticeable until now. Parts of their soul had been missing. Everything seemed sharper, clearer as they stepped back, and the world was saturated with colour. Their senses were dialed to eleven. Everything was brighter. The air was crisper, clothing softer, and they laughed as they relished in the feeling of being whole for the first time in a long time. And as Eli was crumbled to dust, falling apart in Ida’s hands, Val realized that they weren’t affected by them anymore. Yes, the fears and insecurities that provided the base for Eli’s existence were still there, and they always would be, but they didn’t bother Val anymore. Fear is a part of life, and in the eyes of the world, no one will ever be good enough. There’s no other option but to embrace it, and live your life for you, and no one else.

  
Val stepped forward, occupying the space Eli had stood before, where they had stood in the beginning. They took a deep breath, and closed their eyes.

* * *

Val sleepily blinked open their eyes to the sight of their dad standing over them worriedly.

  
“Val, are you okay? Everything all right? It sounded like you had a nightmare.”

  
“Don’t worry dad.” They smiled up at him. “Everything’s all right.”


End file.
